A Japanese Girl's Eyes Can't Be This Blue!
by Connor Chang
Summary: After the events of the seventh novel, Kirino reconciles with Kyousuke and Ruri, and adopts a more positive outlook on life. Meanwhile, an American student at Kyousuke's school falls in love with Kirino... Kirino x OC done as realistically as it can be.
1. That Figures, Part 1

_**Ore no Imouto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai! **_by Connor Chang

based on _Ore no Imouto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai_ written by Fushimi Tsukasa

**Part 1: A Japanese Girl's Eyes Can't Be This Blue!**

* * *

><p>"…there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a hero in your favorite show – provided that you remember to insert your flaws as well as your fantasies." – TV Tropes, "Self Insert Fic" article<p>

The following takes place right after the seventh light novel volume of _Ore no Imouto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai_ and ignores every succeeding volume. (I started writing before volume eight came out.)

* * *

><p>I. <em>That Figures<em>, Part 1

_Turn on camera._

"Hello there, viewers. This is Lance Wang, coming to you from Japan and welcoming you to another edition of _That Figures_."

_Pause for title sequence, which was made in less than an hour using Final Cut Express._

"Today we're taking a look at Stax Factory's newest release from their _figpla_ line…"

_Hold up figure to camera._

"…Godai Yuuko from _Murder Diary_. Now, I'll admit, I don't know a whole lot about the series, so I'm probably going to be getting some things wrong. The show just doesn't really have much of a draw for me. But this figure certainly does, much like Cutlass from _Kate/starry night_, a franchise that I also don't care about too much."

_Cut to figure standing on desk._

"As per usual with _figpla_, the character design has been wonderfully recreated in this incredibly detailed sculpt."

_Rotate figure for variety's sake._

"There's actually a lot less mold flash than the last _figpla_ I reviewed, which just goes to show Stax Factory's commitment to improving their products. The colors on this figure adhere completely to the in-show model – at least, I think. The whole thing just looks very pretty. I've gushed a lot about these qualities in previous episodes, so I'm sure you don't need to hear me go on and on about it again."


	2. A New Character Can't Be the Narrator!

II. A New Character Can't Be the Narrator!

My name is Lawrence Wang, a.k.a. Lance. I'm a former Honolulu resident who ended up moving to Chiba, Japan, after ninth grade due to my dad's job transfer. Not that I necessarily mind – Tokyo, along with Sydney, Vancouver, and Hong Kong, is part of my list of most desirable cities to live in or nearby. There is so much fun that can be had in Tokyo, whether you're in Shibuya, Shinjuku, or Akihabara.

If it wasn't obvious from the first chapter, yes, I'm an otaku, and damn proud of it. In general, I'd say I'm more of a _tokusatsu_ (e.g. _Godzilla_ and _Ultraman_) geek than an anime/manga geek, but I like to think that I know my stuff when it comes the latter. I don't have any real reservations about genres, and I'll happily talk about _Justeen 8_ or _Keroro Gunso_ one minute before switching to _Meruru_ or _Maschera_ the next. Honestly, I can't really say I've ever disliked any specific anime or manga. Except for the ones that actively promote misogyny. And there are quite a few, Japan being Japan and all.

Of course, being an otaku isn't quite easily, as stereotypes can enter the picture at any time and certain people will call you a gross pervert or some such no matter what. I try to take what they say with a grain of salt, as there are some otaku who really are living stereotypes (i.e. gross perverts), but mostly I just shake it off. I aim for harmony between normal standards of living and otaku interests, mainly by acting as a regular human being who just so happens to have certain hobbies. I'd like to think that I'm like that all the time, but honestly, sometimes things can and will get out of control. Maybe I'm a little _too_ passionate about certain series, but hey. I'm working on it.

I mentioned Akihabara before, and while it is the ultimate haven for otaku and thus paradise for me, it's not a perfect world.

The reason?

Porn is _everywhere_.

I can't tell you how many times I've been deterred from an otherwise decent shop because of high porn content. Akiba is almost a red light district, but instead of hookers it offers two-dimensional characters that people can do unspeakable things to without ever having to worry about illegality. Many of said characters may or may not be underage.

Now, I can't persuade people to give up their hobbies, and if those hobbies involve quasi-legal content, well, I'll just have to let it go and pretend I never saw anything (which is _very_ hard to do, in some cases). And I try to avoid those people who are very vocal about their interests.

Usually.

A little while ago, in Akiba, I met and became friends with someone who turned out to be obsessed with a certain kind of porn, someone whom I was continually drawn to despite her apparent obsession.

A sometimes-mild, sometimes-wild, and often violent middle school student-slash-teen fashion model-slash-writer.

A girl with a cute smile, orange hair, and ridiculously blue eyes.

A girl who was in love with her older brother.

A girl that I ended up falling for.


	3. That Figures, Part 2

III. _That Figures_, Part 2

_Cut to different angle of figure. Start posing._

"The head has a very extensive range of motion, but because of the size of the hair piece, it can't really look up too well, though to be fair, Yuuko spends most of her time looking down gloomily anyway. The shoulders work fine, and the puffy sleeves are not a hindrance at all, to my surprise. There's that lovely single-jointed elbow that has the clearance of a double-jointed elbow and also affords a lateral swivel…thing. The hands have the classic peg-and-hole swivel as well as the up and down wrist joint.

"The ball-jointed torso is still there, but there's a new feature down here that I haven't seen on other _figpla_ toys in past, which is a cut waist joint. Now, I do like the range of motion this joint affords, but it has the unfortunate tendency to horribly break up the sculpt, so I kind of wish they had either left it out altogether or used a ball-socket connection, but that's how it is. If they're going to do this on future figures, they might want to work out a way to do it that won't look unsightly.

"Ball-jointed hips are still present, and much like the Cutlass figure I reviewed way back, this skirt is made of a flexible plastic that allows for a very full range of motion. I like it a lot. As I'm sure I've said before, there are quite a few figures that have their skirts cast in hard plastic and placed on hinge joints, but that mechanism definitely does not work as well. This is, without a doubt, the right way to do it.

"There's also a thigh swivel and a single joint in the knee that works like a double joint, which I cannot help but love. The ankles are a combination of a peg-in swivel and a universal joint, and thus work really well. The only major problem regarding articulation doesn't pertain to the articulation itself, but since the figure is so top heavy due to the hair, trying to stand it up without the stand is a bit of problem. There are maybe one or two standing poses that you can do without it, but you really need it if you want to accomplish more."


	4. I Can't Be Awake This Early on a Sunday!

IV. I Can't Be Awake This Early on a Sunday!

_It's an inky-dinky doo-dah morning (Inky-dinky doo-dah morning, morning) Inky-dinky doo-dah morning (Inky-dinky doo-dah morning, morning, morning, morning) Good morning! Morning, morning, morning…_

_I swear, I'm getting rid of this ringtone soon._

As I lay on my back, I searched blindly for my phone using my left hand. My eyes slowly peeled open as I held it up to my face. Caller ID: Harry Deckard. Time: 8:32.

_Harry, for the love of GOD, PLEASE STOP BEING A MORNING PERSON._

"Hello?"

"Ossu_, Lance, how goes it?_" blared Harry in his bombastic tenor voice.

"It's 8:30 A.M. on a Sunday, Harry. I'm still in bed."

"_Wouldn't expect you to be anywhere else._"

"What's going on?"

"_Tamara just called me, she wants to go out shopping in Akiba with all of us. You in?_"

"Why not. Fitting way to celebrate the end of summer."

"_Awesome. We'll meet up for the 11:00 train and hit McDonald's for lunch. I'll call you back in a couple hours with all the details. You should go back to sleep._"

"Thanks, Mom." I hung up and got out of bed, disregarding his advice.

I felt a bit disoriented standing up and getting dressed, as if I were still in a dream. The splash of cold water on my face and the crack of my vertebrae as I rolled my neck brought me back to reality.

I greeted Dad and Mom watching TV as I entered the living room and headed to the kitchen to prepare for the daily ritual of Nutella-smothered toast and orange juice.

"So, the gang wants to hang out in Akihabara today at noon. Can I go?"

"Fine with me," Dad said. "You've got the train pass, right?"

"Never leave home without it."

"Is Alan going?" asked Mom.

"I would ask him, but I fear that I may be torn limb from limb for waking him up." We all chuckled. "Sure, I'll go get him in a little bit."

A few minutes of family conversation, snippets of Japanese news on TV, and munching on chocolaty toast followed. Then, off it was to Alan's room. Surprisingly, there was music coming from Alan's computer, suggesting that he was actually alive.

I knocked on the door. "Come in," Alan replied. I acted thus.

"The apocalypse is upon us. You're actually up before noon," I said.

"Trouble sleeping," Alan responded, his eyes fixated on his monitor.

"You didn't pull an all-nighter, did you?"

"Thankfully, no. But I went to sleep late, woke up at six o'clock, and couldn't go back."

"Ouch."

"Meh, it could be worse." He paused his music and wheeled around in his desk chair to face me. "So, what's up?"

"Harry called me up a little while ago. Everybody's heading to Akiba for lunch and then other stuff. You interested?"

"Can't, sorry. I'm meeting up with Akane for lunch today."

"Oh, cool. Never mind, then. Hey, how's her English, by the way?"

"Getting better, but I don't want it to get _too_ good. Don't want to lose that cute accent."

I chuckled. "Alright, well, breakfast is ready when you are." I closed the door behind me as I exited.

As much as I wanted to get a girlfriend as easily as Alan had, I knew it wasn't quite possible. Alan had the looks and the charm, and I had enough friendly charm but mostly unassuming looks. I didn't worry too much, though, as I would have liked to focus more on school and already established connections instead seeking out those willing to become a significant other. But it's hard not to feel a little left out when you're in eleventh grade and haven't dated once in your life.

I had more important things at hand right now, anyway. Namely, should I bring cash or credit? As convenient as credit is, you can manage cash easier.

* * *

><p>While Alan and I were striking up friendly morning conversation, somewhere on the other side of town, a third-year high school student had just woken up.<p>

At this point I need to mention that the events I was not present for have been told to me by a wide variety of sources, some with conflicting viewpoints, so the dialogue or the actions of certain people may not be completely accurate.

Kousaka Kyousuke opened his eyes slowly. A deep sleep had befallen him, too, and he felt that maybe he shouldn't get up but rather stay in bed.

A knock came from the other side of the bedroom door.

"Kyousuke! Breakfast is ready!" called Mrs. Kousaka.

Kyousuke grunted. "Right, be there in a minute," he called back.

Dragging his feet across the floor, Kyousuke got dressed, exited his room, clumsily made his way downstairs, trudged towards the bathroom, and splashed his face with water. He looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was a bit disheveled, and he had dark circles under his eyes.

_That was a weird dream,_ he thought to himself. _There's no way that could possibly happen. No way._

He entered the dining room and greeted his parents.

"Hey, where's Kirino?" he asked.

"Kirino left early this morning, said she had work," his mother replied. His father remained silent.

"I see…" he said as he sat down at the dining table. "_Itadakimasu_."

Kyousuke ate silently, but deep down couldn't help but feel worried about Kirino.

_It can't be true. Did that dream mean anything? It couldn't have. There's no way I could be in love with my little sister._

_So why am I worried about it?_

The story goes something like this: Formerly distant siblings Kousaka Kyousuke, currently age eighteen, and Kousaka Kirino, currently age fifteen, came closer together when Kyousuke accidentally discovered the popular Kirino to be an avid _eroge_ otaku and a "little sister" fangirl, causing her to confide in him about her hobbies. The two had always been belligerent, but as time went on Kyousuke's sticking his neck out for Kirino allowed them to bond as siblings (or maybe something deeper). Nine months later, Kirino took an extended trip to America without telling Kyousuke, and Kyousuke became good friends with Kirino's otaku friend Gokou Ruri. Then Kyousuke realized that he missed Kirino deeply and traveled to America to bring her back. And a twisting and turning series of events finally led to Kirino discovering that she was indeed in love with her brother, and Ruri, who had previously been a very shy girl, confessing to Kyousuke and becoming his girlfriend.

Things were quite strained between Kyousuke and Kirino at present, mere days after Ruri's confession.

Again, this is only what I've been told, and it's been told to me from multiple people with different viewpoints.

Kyousuke finished his meal.

"_Gochisousama_. By the way, did Kirino say where she was going for work today?"

"Near Ginza, I think. There's a photo shoot going on there," Mrs. Kousaka said.

Kyousuke began to get out of his seat. "Right, somebody wanted to meet with me in Akihabara today. I'll be leaving around 11:00, should be back around 16:00."

"Kyousuke." Mrs. Kousaka uttered her son's name with a bit of a forceful tone, as if to indicate something. Kyousuke froze. A few seconds of awkward silence followed.

Mrs. Kousaka had recently found out about the supposed goings-on between Kyousuke and Kirino and voiced her disapproval. She may have suspected that Kyousuke would be searching for Kirino and wanted to say something about it, but kept quiet because of Mr. Kousaka, a man of a very strict familial policy.

Kyousuke eventually stood up and left the room, heading back upstairs.

_Geez, she sounded like Dad there. I guess she's still on that... I hope she hasn't told him, or else all hell would break loose._

Kyousuke made his way upstairs and started to open the door to his room, before turning to look at his sister's room next door.

_Why am I so hung up on this?_ _There's no way I could possibly fall in love with Kirino!_

Kyousuke's dream the previous night was a flashback to his sister's previous pseudo-confession and having a crisis over whether or not he should return her feelings. This was troubling. Could this dream possibly come to haunt him for nights to come? Would it affect his manner in reality? Was it possible that the dream was foretelling a real-world event?

_Ruri… I should be thinking about Ruri instead. Good thing I get to see her today._


	5. I Can't Be in Love at First Sight!

V. I Can't Be in Love at First Sight!

10:45. Time to head out.

"Right, Alan, I'm off."

"Later."

After a few minutes of walking, I reached the train station. My three Australo-American buddies were standing right out front, and we exchanged pleasantries.

"Did you catch _PredPrey_ last night?" Millie asked in her soft Australian accent.

"Yeah. I'm not exactly sure about a certain plot point, though," I replied.

"Which one?" Tamara asked.

"That amulet thingy. My memory of the last few episodes must be slipping – was that an already established concept?"

"Three episodes ago," Harry chimed in, "they established that there were legends about it, but that it may not actually exist."

"So this episode reveals that it in fact does," said Millie.

"Oh, boy," I sighed, "I sense a new MacGuffin has arrived!"

After an hour-long train ride or so, a quick bite to eat at McDonald's, and more otaku conversation, the four of us set forth to explore the wonderland of Akiba.

Harry Deckard, Tamara Raymond, and Amelia "Millie" Beaufort all went to the same school as I did and were at my grade level. Harry, from Seattle, and Millie, from Melbourne, were both living in Japan due to parents' job transfers, while Tamara was born and raised in a U.S. Air Force base. Due to similar backgrounds, we quickly became friends and founded "Expatriates Unite", more or less the school's unofficial multicultural club. Many foreign exchange students from around the world had come and gone, and there were expats in other grades, but the four of us were the only ones to really stick together.

We were also bound by our otaku hobbies, and Akiba was more or less _the_ meeting place whenever we wanted to get together.

_Predator and Prey: A Romance Between Humans and Demons_, or more simply _PredPrey_, a newer fantasy anime series, was something of a sleeper hit during its initial run but had recently seen enough of a surge in popularity on DVD to warrant a second season. I wasn't the show's biggest fan, but it caught the attention of the other Expatriates, who gave it a very hearty recommendation. I soon watched it regularly – it wasn't terribly exciting and the plot was a bit clichéd and trite, but the visuals were quite gorgeous, especially when it came to the character designs.

We were on a hunt to find _PredPrey_ memorabilia, and my specific target was a figure of Estelle, one of the show's lead heroines. Now, being an otaku is expensive, especially when it comes to buying figures. The show's increasing popularity didn't help either, as available merchandise was dwindling. We were determined to scour the entirety of Akiba to find what we specifically wanted at a decent price. This would take a while.

Standing at the entrance to Akiba proper, we awaited the command to strike.

"Expatriates," Harry bellowed, attempting his best Casper Van Dien impersonation, "you know what to do! Get in there and HUNT THEM DOWN!"

"SIR, YES, SIR!" the remaining three of us shouted in unison.

Locating my figure and Tamara's objectives, a wall scroll and an art book, was a rather simple task, but Harry and Millie's objectives – a cosplay jacket and headband and the spin-off PC game, respectively – were not as easy. Rather, I should say that they were easy to find, but not at a decent price. Supply and demand was in full effect here, and eventually the two had to settle for higher prices than they had wanted. But in the end, everyone got exactly the items they were after, and thus the mission was considered a triumphant success.

We had managed to achieve our objectives in a surprisingly short time, but luckily, we had anticipated extra time and used it to our full potential by searching for less important trinkets, just to blow what allowance we had left for that day. To anyone else, the current state of the global economy (i.e. crap) would mean a reduction in spending and less focus on entertainment, but not for the Expatriates.

* * *

><p>At around 1:30 P.M., we decided to unwind and have a drink at a local maid café. While I was more or less apathetic about where we went at this point, it was Tamara and Millie, oddly enough, who were very excited about going to a maid café. I'm not quite sure why, though the "full otaku experience" seems to be what they had in mind.<p>

"_Welcome home, master!_"

Young twenty-something women decked out in extremely frilly dresses and speaking in squeaky, cutesy voices are currently _de rigueur_ among the otaku crowd, but I could never really get into it. It feels as though maid cafés are based around the subjugation of women, which I can't get behind. Granted, lots of women come here often (and the people who suggested coming here were two girls), and there are butler cafés and "male maid" cafés to please the female crowd, but regular maid cafés just never felt quite right. I've gotten used to them by now, but I've never really come out of one thinking, "I'm glad I came here".

Still, though, we were only coming here for drinks, so it's not like the maids would be waiting on us very often-

"_Would the masters care for anything?_"

OW GOD MY EARS

"_I think I'll have a lemonade, please,_" replied Alex.

"_Alright. And for you, master?_"

Ngh. Sorry. Still recuperating from that one.

"_Um…I'll have the cherry passion fruit medley, please._"

"_And the mistresses?_"

_Please stop speaking._

Once the drink orders were in place and the maid out of sight, we began a discussion that led to another discussion that led to…

"Come on, do it!" Millie pleaded.

"I honestly don't think I remember enough…" I said.

"Sure you do. And anyway, does it really matter? Let's do it!" beckoned Harry.

"But since we're in public, I can't go all wild and crazy like back then."

"You manage to ham it up either way," said Tamara. "Go on!"

I cleared my throat and assumed a dramatic pose.

_O, that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew! Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God! How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable, seem to me all the uses of this world! Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an unweeded garden, that grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature possess it merely. That it should come to this! But two months dead: nay, not so much, not two: so excellent a king; that was, to this, Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother-_

"_Your drinks!_"

OW GOD MY EARS

"_Thanks very much,_" Harry replied to the maid.

"_If you need anything else, please don't hesitate to ask!_"

_If you keep up that voice I'll need a hearing aid, damn it!_

* * *

><p>At 2:00 P.M. or so, we exited the café.<p>

"Okay, next time, we pick a different café. I can't stand those maid voices. My ears are ringing with '_Welcome home, master!_', '_Would master care for something?_' – in those bloody voices! It's too much!" I said.

"Obviously you haven't been to many maid cafés," said Harry.

"Not in Akiba, at any rate- ah, nuts, I left my bag in the café. That's obviously not good-"

"_Um, excuse me!_" a Japanese girl's voice called out behind me.

The four of us turned around. I froze.

Before us stood a girl around fourteen or fifteen years old, with long and implausibly orange hair and even more implausibly blue eyes, dressed in current teen fashions, holding my bag of goods with both hands, her back perfectly straight, looking at us.

My heart probably skipped a beat right then. I wasn't sure of the feeling that rushed over me in those few seconds. Could it be? Was it…

"_Pardon me, but you forgot this in the café._" She spoke lightly and sweetly.

I was silent for a second or two before pulling myself together.

"Uh, yes, that's mine-"

Crap. Lapsed into English.

"_Sorry, yes, that is my bag, thank you._"

"Are you American?"

English. English that sounded almost perfect, without much of an accent.

I chuckled nervously. "Um, yes. _Yes, I'm American._"

The girl lightly giggled. "_Your Japanese is very good._"

"_Well, I've had practice. Ah, right, my bag. Thank you._"

As I nodded and took the bag from the girl, I suddenly found myself staring into her eyes. Was it possible for Japanese people to have blue eyes like that? As much as I tried to pull away, I just couldn't. My God, those eyes…

"_Is there something wrong?_"

Crap. Stared for too long.

"_Oh, no, no, it's…just…_ _I don't want to be rude, but you _are_ Japanese, right?_"

"_Yes, why?_"

"_It's just that… I've never seen a Japanese person with eyes so blue… Please forgive me, I'm sounding quite impolite._"

"_Oh, no, it's fine. I get quite a lot of comments from people about them._" She smiled. "_Um, pardon me again, but how old are you?_"

"_I'm seventeen._"

"_Are you living here in Japan?_"

"_I am, yes._"

"_Do you go to Chiba Benten High School?_"

"_I do!_"

"_Are you, by chance, __Lance Wang__?_"

"_How'd you know that?_"

The girl beamed happily. "_My friends in high school who go there have talked a bit about __Expatriates Unite__._"

"…_nothing bad, I hope…_"

"_No, nothing bad! It's just, well…_ _Foreign things are cool,_ _right?_"

"_I…haven't heard that one before._"

The girl giggled again, and then noticed the others. "_Are they all Americans as well?_"

"_No, but we all speak English. __Harry Deckard__ is from America, but __Tamara Raymond__ was born here in Japan to American parents, and __Millie Beaufort__ is from Australia._"

"Nice to meet you!" the girl said as she quickly bowed to them. She then turned back to me. "_I have to go, but maybe I'll see you around?_"

"_Yes, I'm sure of it._"

"_Well, there's your bag. It was nice meeting you,_ _Lance_-san_._" The beautiful girl bowed slightly, and I quickly bowed in return.

"_It was nice to meet you, too, um…_" No name given. Crap.

"_Kousaka. Kousaka Kirino._"

"_Kousaka Kirino_-san_._ Great to meet you."

"_Well, _goodbye_, then._" She turned to the others. "_Goodbye, Expatriates!_"

As she walked away, I heard Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight" playing in my head, as if this were a scene out of a movie. Yes, that's what that feeling was. _Love at first sight._ I didn't think it could happen to me, but it did.

"Yo! Earth to Lance!" Harry's voice returned me to reality.

"Oh, sorry, I'm just… That was weird."

"Kousaka Kirino, huh?" Millie remarked. "The _real_ Kousaka Kirino?"

"I guess- Wait a minute. Kousaka Kirino? As in Kousaka Kirino the teen fashion model you told me about? _That_ Kousaka Kirino?"

A little while back, I was told of a relatively famous middle school student fashion model that lived in Chiba and would eventually attend Chiba Benten. I was interested, but not enough to bother to do any research.

Now, I was most intrigued.


	6. My Little Sister Can't Be So Worrisome!

VI. My Little Sister Can't Be So Worrisome!

10:50. Time to head out.

"Alright, I'm off."

On his way out, Kyousuke pulled out his cell phone and called Ruri to make certain their meeting arrangements.

"I'm just heading out," Kyousuke said.

"_Is Kirino there with you?_" Ruri asked from the other end.

"I don't know where the hell she is. Mom said she'd be around Ginza, but I don't know anything specific."

"_Is that so…_"

"Is there something wrong?"

"_Oh, nothing, but… I was kind of hoping she'd be here today._"

"Me, too."

Gokou Ruri, age sixteen, was one of Kirino's closest friends (and I use the term loosely, as apparently the two were very belligerent towards one another) and, after a long series of conflicts and misunderstandings, had recently confided to Kirino about her crush on Kyousuke, which probably upset Kirino who had just come to terms with _her_ crush on Kyousuke.

Kyousuke and Ruri were now almost bonded at the hip, but Kirino had been uncharacteristically reclusive and would talk to neither of them about anything. Was it perhaps because Kirino had backed down on Kyousuke for Ruri's sake, but felt bad about it, and avoided the two for fear of ruining her different relationships with them?

_God damn it, I have to get my mind off of this, _Kyousuke thought. _I have a girlfriend now, so I shouldn't be worried about being a siscon._

After getting off the train, Kyousuke had a run-in with some police officers who questioned him about a recently escaped convict. At 12:10 or so, he found his group waiting for him at the entrance to Akiba.

The group consisted of Makishima Saori, age sixteen, alias "Saori Bajeena" (just to be clear, that's a _Gundam_ reference): An easygoing and extremely friendly otaku who was also a respectable young lady born to rich parents; Akagi Sena, age fifteen, alias "Mystic Eyes": A somewhat stubborn first-year high school student who had a knack for game design and a burning passion for yaoi and _geicomi_; and Gokou Ruri, alias "_Kuroneko_": A generally quiet but often sarcastic first-year student with interests in dark, fantasy-themed teen anime.

But while Saori and Sena were more or less the same people that Kyousuke had met before, Ruri had changed drastically. As her feelings for Kyousuke grew stronger, she began to adopt a brighter color scheme and a more outgoing personality, a marked difference from her previously dark Gothic Lolita persona. Thus had she transformed from _Kuroneko_ ("black cat") to _Shironeko_ ("white cat").

"Sorry for the wait, guys," Kyousuke said. "I ran into some police officers on the way here and got held up for a few minutes."

"My, my, whatever have you gotten yourself into this time?" Ruri snickered.

Okay, _almost_ fully transformed. Obviously, the sarcasm remained.

Kyousuke chuckled. "Some escaped convict's prowling the streets; they wanted to know if I'd seen him."

"Have you?" asked Sena.

"Nope. Though, they showed me a picture – it's one of those generic faces that you know you've seen before."

"Well, nothing we can do about that," said Saori. "Anyway, what exactly was the plan for today?"

"I thought you were the one who organized this," Kyousuke said.

"You shouldn't rely on me too much to remember details," laughed Saori.

"Hey, _senpai_, did you catch _PredPrey_ last night?" Sena asked Kyousuke.

"Nope, didn't catch it – the parents are opposed to me watching anime."

"Too bad. It was a great episode."

"We were talking a little bit about it before you got here," Ruri said.

"Oh, it's godly! The brutality of Shin and the tenderness of Ryuga – I can see it now! They're veritable animals!" Sena began drooling slightly.

Read: The homoerotic subtext between two of the lead characters, and Sena picturing them getting it on in various kinky ways in her mind. I'm reaching for the Brain Bleach as I write. One second, please!

Kyousuke sighed. "Oy, we're still on that?"

"Right, then, let's sally forth, Science Patrol!" Saori changed the topic rapidly. "Onward to…wherever it is we're going!"

The group entered the metaphorical gates of Akiba and began to wander, stopping occasionally at various stores to check out something eye-catching. Now more or less fully converted to otakuism, Kyousuke found himself interested in more and more of the available merchandise, especially regarding the _eroge_ that he had recently got into.

Mr. Generic Kyousuke had been forced to start playing _eroge_ over a year ago as part of Kirino's "life counseling" about her otaku hobbies. (I should mention that there was probably some ulterior motive, but I'll get to that later.) But Kyousuke had come to _like_ playing _eroge_ over time, and was practically a bona fide _erogamer_ at this point.

Ruri, however, was looking questionably at some of the material Kyousuke had seen, and so Kyousuke wizened up and pulled away.

At a small outlet that was basically the Japanese equivalent of Hot Topic (more or less), Kyousuke decided to buy something for Ruri, and found a white headband with a rose motif. He pondered over it for a few seconds before Ruri came over to him.

"What's that?" Ruri asked.

Kyousuke smiled. "Hold still for just a second," he said as he carefully placed the band over her head. It fit well, and looked quite pretty on her, but he wasn't quite sure if it was her style. "Well, I think it looks fine. Take a look in the mirror and tell me what you think."

Ruri did so. When she saw herself, she blushed. It matched up with her current clothing, but more importantly, Kyousuke was giving it to her as a gift. If she didn't like the look, she would have said yes to it anyway. She smiled, and Kyousuke did as well.

Saori and Sena were pretending to mind their own business, but regularly glanced over their shoulders, making sure that everything was going smoothly.

* * *

><p>At around 2:00, each group member was carrying at least one heavy bag. It felt like a good enough time as any to sit down and get something to drink. A nearby maid café, one that all but Sena had previously visited, seemed a good choice.<p>

"I just hope that one maid isn't there today," Kyousuke sighed. He was referring to a certain maid who had tried to goad him into buying one of her SM _doujinshi_ (for which she had used _herself_ as a character model) at Summer Comiket. "Besides, in general I prefer not to be called '_onii-chan_' by twenty-somethings."

"There's an art to suspension of disbelief, Kyousuke_-shi_," Saori commented.

"Yeah, but you can only suspend it so much. It's like certain TV shows where they cast obvious adults as high school kids."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. True, _that_ I do have trouble with. But makes sense, given rules about the age of consent, child labor laws, stuff like that."

Sena chimed in. "What's the age of consent in Japan, again?"

"It's thirteen, right?" Ruri answered. "Something around that."

"So why is it exactly that at thirteen you're legal but the R-18 rating still applies for sexual content?" Sena asked.

"Come to think about it, that's a good question," Kyousuke said. "But I thought the age of consent was eighteen."

"Well, it varies from region to region, doesn't it?" Saori replied.

This is true: the national age of consent in Japan is thirteen, but some prefectures have it set at eighteen. This may provide an explanation to the R-18 rating, but I don't really know all the details.

"Hey, come to think of it, what has Kirino been doing all this time?" Sena asked.

Kyousuke suddenly felt a heavy invisible weight drop onto his shoulders.

"She said she had work today in Ginza," Kyousuke said softly.

"Oh. Well, too bad she missed out."

"Sena," Ruri said quietly but forcefully. Sena looked confused. Ruri continued. "Kirino isn't something we'd rather like to discuss like now. She's been avoiding Kyousuke and me and we've been worried about it. It's best that we keep quiet for now."

Kyousuke sighed. He was now focused on worrying about what his sister was up to.

"Kyousuke_-shi_, what's wrong?" Saori asked calmly.

"Ruri's right about being worried," Kyousuke said. "I know I did something wrong, and now I'm afraid that she's going to keep drifting away and I won't be able to talk to her – and if she's mad, apologize."

"Kyousuke, she's not mad at you," Ruri said. "She's just been scared of losing you this whole time, and now she doesn't know what to do. She feels like she lost after that incident on the seventeenth. You know, the last thing she said to me on the phone was 'You win.'"

Kyousuke was stunned. "I don't know what to say to that…"

"_Wait a minute. Kousaka Kirino? As in Kousaka Kirino the teen fashion model you told me about? _That_ Kousaka Kirino? That was her?_"

The group perked up and froze.

"_Yep, there's no mistaking it. That was her._"

In front of the targeted maid café was a group of four foreigners, one of them looking very surprised for some reason.

Yep, you guessed it.

Having heard his sister's name, Kyousuke wanted to know just what was going on. His English was sufficient enough, so he called over to the foreigners.

"_Excuse me, please!_"

Excited as I was, I tried to compose myself as I responded to him.

"Um, yes, can I help you?"

"Oh, you speak Japanese. I'm terribly sorry, but did you say something about a Kousaka Kirino just now?"

"Eh, that's right. Kousaka Kirino, the fashion model? We just met her."

"Really? She's here?"

"She went that way," Harry said, pointing in the direction Kirino headed off in.

"Thank you so much!" Kyousuke said as he bowed quickly, and then ran off in the indicated direction.

"Kyousuke_-shi_, wait up!" cried Saori as the group rushed to catch up.

After they were out of sight, I turned back to the other three.

"_Crazy fans, perhaps?_" Harry suggested.

"_Maybe those were her friends,_" Tamara said.

"_They sure left in a hurry,_" Millie added.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Kirino was walking with her head down, trying to maintain a low profile (rather difficult given that she was the only orange-haired Japanese girl in Akiba, even though she was wearing a hat). She considered going back home, but at the same time she feared for running into Kyousuke or Ruri-<p>

"Kirino!"

Caught. Damn it. Kirino started running, even though she knew that Kyousuke would follow suit.

"Kirino, wait!" called Kyousuke.

"Stop running!" shouted Ruri.

Kirino stopped when she realized Ruri's presence. She hesitated in turning around, but eventually removed her hat and made an about face.

"What do you want?" she asked impatiently. When she noticed that both Saori and Sena were there as well, however, she retracted a little bit.

"I didn't know Saori and Sena were here." But, right after that, she resumed her accusatory tone with Kyousuke and Ruri. "But, you two, what is it?"

"Kirino, hear me out," Kyousuke responded. "We just want to talk."

"What's there to talk about?" Kirino retorted, pouting. "I don't have to say anything."

"Kirino, please," Ruri said softly. "We're your friends."

"I said there's nothing to talk about! Leave me alone! Besides, shouldn't you two be off making googly eyes at each other somewhere? You _are_ going out, aren't you?"

Kyousuke stepped forward. "Can't we just forget about that for one minute and talk about something else?"

Kirino turned and tried to walk away.

"Kirino, please wait!" Saori called out.

"Kirino!" shouted Sena.

No response. Kirino kept walking.

"Okay, that's it," Kyousuke said angrily. He started to walk quickly over to his sister. "Kirino, come back here! Kirino! Listen to me! Understand what I'm trying to say for a second!"

"Why should I?" Kirino snapped as she turned back around. There were tears starting to form in her eyes. "You never understood what I had to say! Why should I listen to you? Stop trying to act like a real brother!"

"I made a few mistakes, Kirino! These things happen! Please, just-"

As Kyousuke reached out his hand, Kirino smacked it aside.

"Shut up! Stop getting so close to me, you pervert!"

"Kirino!" cried Ruri. "Stop being so stupid and listen to us!"

"FUCK OFF!" shouted Kirino.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Saori, of all people, managed to shout loudly enough to hush everyone. She was visibly upset at what was going on, and the three quarrelers felt bad about letting that happen, especially Kirino.

"Listen, Kirino," Saori said in a calm voice, walking over to her, "we're your friends and we're trying to help you. If you just calm down for a little bit, and talk this over with us, I know we can set things back on track. But you just have to calm down."

A brief silence followed, and Kirino hung her head.

Saori managed to smile despite her current emotional state. "I'm sorry for being so loud. But seriously, let's sit down and resolve this."

"Saori's right, Kirino," Kyousuke said. "Let's cool off for a bit." Ruri seemed like she wanted to say something, but kept quiet. A brief pause followed.

"…sorry," Kirino said softly. "You're right. We do need to talk this over."

* * *

><p>A nearby teahouse, while not the perfect location, was at least comfortable enough for this kind of talk.<p>

"Kirino, I'm sorry for being so dense," Kyousuke said. "I should have been paying closer attention to what you were trying to say… From now on, I'll be sure to hear you out whenever you need to say something. I _am_ your brother, after all, right?"

Kirino replied with a nod, nervously looking down. "I don't know what I was saying when I told you to stop acting like a brother."

"You were upset, Kirino. After all, I had been ignoring you for so long. I can totally understand now just what you were going through then. It seems to me like you knew exactly what you were talking about."

"…but I'm still sorry."

"Look, you don't have to-"

"No, really. I want to be sorry. I know that even if you're fine with it, I won't be. I've said and done horrible things that no one should ever say or do to someone they love." She raised her head. Tears were coming back into her eyes. "Also, I don't want to get in between you and Ruri anymore. I know you really do love her, and I'm sorry for being such a jerk about it." She turned to Ruri. "You too, Ruri. I want to take back everything bad I've done to you. Whatever you feel I shouldn't have said, I take it all back." The tears grew in intensity. "I know you love Kyousuke, and I don't want to keep him away from you, either. I'm so sorry, Ruri."

Ruri was blushing and there was a hint of a tear in the corner of her eye. "It's fine," she replied to Kirino. "I know I've done some bad things, too, so I'll take back whatever you feel I shouldn't have. I'm sorry too, Kirino."

"See, we've all made some mistakes," Kyousuke said. "But we're all willing to make up for them. So it'll all be fine, alright, Kirino?"

Kirino waited for a second before practically collapsing into Kyousuke's arms.

"_ANIKI_!" she cried. Her bawling was so intense that it was starting to give her a panic attack. She tightened her grip on Kyousuke, and he followed suit. He even began to cry himself, knowing that the conflict was over.

"_Aniki_, I love you!" Kirino wept.

"I love you too, Kirino," Kyousuke sobbed.

Ruri's tears finally managed to gush forth, and she eventually clamped herself onto both Kyousuke and Kirino.

Saori, while not crying, was obviously very happy at this resolution. "Job well done, people," she said as she smiled.

Sena, however, was bawling. "This scene's just too cute!"

The crying continued for another minute or so, until everyone's tear ducts had just about dried completely. Kirino's breathing returned to normal.

"…I can still keep insulting you guys, though, right?" she asked Kyousuke and Ruri as she nuzzled her face against Kyousuke's shirt.

Kyousuke and Ruri shared a laugh. "It wouldn't be the same if you didn't insult us from time to time," Kyousuke chuckled. Soon, everyone was laughing together.

Meanwhile, the rest of the café had been paying quite close attention to the proceedings, and, satisfied at the conclusion, began to applaud. Saori and Sena were the only ones who noticed, but at any rate they didn't really care.

On the train ride home, an exhausted Kirino fell asleep on Kyousuke's shoulder while holding Ruri's hand tightly. Kyousuke smiled in satisfaction.

_My little sister can't be this cute._


	7. That Figures, Part 3

VII. _That Figures_, Part 3

_Cover accessories._

"Being a _figpla_, Yuuko comes with alternate faces, and in this case we get her normal face, her blushing/crying face, and her psycho-_yandere_ face. For demo purposes I'll just quickly swap the normal face out for the _yandere_ face, and…there you have it. Delicious crazy eyes.

"Yuuko also comes with the always lovely hand rack containing four pairs of hands – in this case, splayed, pointing, getting ready to hold things, and already holding things – in addition to the calm open hands she's sporting right now. Her cell phone and knife handle are actually sculpted into their respective hands. They are _tiny_, but this being _figpla_, the details are very well done. The cell phone is very pleasing to look at, what with all of the little buttons, the details on the screen, and the cute little bunny rabbit charm. D'aww.

"The reason that there's only a knife handle is because a. the hand wouldn't have fit on the hand rack otherwise, and b. the knife blade itself is actually interchangeable. You get two blades, one normal and one covered in blood. The blades peg on to the little nub at the end of the handle, and the connection is very nice and tight, so you won't have to worry about the blade falling off constantly while you're fiddling around.

"And, of course, Yuuko comes with her gigantic death axe of doom. She can hold this in either one of the holding-things hands, or in both, if you so choose. One of my favorite poses to put her in is with the axe raised up over her head with both hands, mimicking the cover for volume three. As per usual with _figpla_, the wrist connections are solid enough so that you don't have to worry about the hands falling off."


	8. I Can't Obsess over a Girl I Just Met!

VIII. I Can't Obsess over a Girl I Just Met!

7:30 P.M., near the end of dinner.

"So, you've never seen her before?" Alan asked inquisitively.

"Nope," I responded. "I'd heard about her, but I'd never actually seen her."

"What's her name?" Mom asked.

"Kousaka Kirino. Apparently she's a fashion model."

"I can see why you'd be interested in her," Dad said as he finished chewing a piece of teriyaki chicken.

"She sounds high maintenance, though," Alan said.

"Yeah, I was thinking that, too," I said as I took a bite of rice, "but eventually I just came to the conclusion, 'You know what, who cares? So long as she's available.'"

"Well, we have to applaud your aspirations," Mom said, "but it sounds like you're treading potentially dangerous waters."

"Boy howdy, am I," I replied.

"Well, if we can be of any help, let us know," Dad said.

"Right," Alan chimed in. "Akane could help, too, though I don't know if she's as quote-unquote 'high class' as Kousaka Kirino, but just to add another perspective."

* * *

><p>My dreams are usually very weird and make very little sense, if any. For example, I'm pretty sure that the previous night I had dreamt about eating a plateful of fire trucks. And a week or so before, Steve Buscemi had been my personal chauffeur.<p>

Tonight's dream, however, was actually coherent. I dreamt of becoming good friends with Kousaka Kirino and asking her out to see a movie, afterwards buying ice cream for two and walking her home. As we said good night, she gave me a peck on the cheek. I felt very satisfied.

But then Steve Buscemi showed up again and offered to buy me a panini (in _Japan_, no less), and we had a conversation about surreal art films. And then I realized that it was all a dream, and that my real-life chances with Kirino were much slimmer.


	9. That Last Chapter Can't Be So Short!

IX. That Last Chapter Can't Be So Short!

The 7:00 alarm heralded the beginning of another school week.

So much had been accomplished the previous day that Kyousuke couldn't help but feel a little exhausted. Groggily, he got out of bed and got dressed.

When he made it to the bottom of the stairs, he encountered Kirino, who had just exited the bathroom. He quickly halted, hoping not to bump into her. Kirino took notice.

"Ah, mornin'," she responded.

"Morning," Kyousuke replied. As Kirino started walking again, he grabbed the nearby door handle and opened the door for her.

"Ah, thanks," she said, smiling slightly.

This wasn't the normal Kirino, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it was nice. Kyousuke felt very pleased.

Walking to school, Kirino started up a surprisingly normal conversation.

"So, how'd you sleep?"

"Pretty well, but I'm still tired," Kyousuke said. "I can never wake up in the morning and feel like I've gotten just enough sleep."

"Makes sense to me."

Kyousuke hesitated a bit before asking Kirino. "How'd you sleep, then?"

"Fine, thanks. How long did you stay in my room after I fell asleep?"

"Don't know. A few minutes."

Last night, Kirino had Kyousuke come to her room so she could fall asleep on him. She had remarked that his sweatshirt was very soft and fluffy, so she figured, why not?

"You could have left at any time, you know," Kirino said.

"Yeah, I know. But to be honest, you look cute when you sleep."

"Eh? You perv!" She started laughing playfully.

_Yep. That's still the real Kirino, all right,_ Kyousuke thought, smiling.

"By the way, what was the last game that you played?" Kirino asked.

"It was… _Hell of Little Sisters_, I think? I haven't played in a while, though."

"You should get back on track. I want to play it too, you know."

"Right, right. I'll have it finished by week's end, if you're really so inclined."

Kyousuke then noticed exactly where he was. He'd been so focused on Kirino that he'd forgotten which way he was walking. Manami would be waiting up ahead. This wasn't good.

Tamura Manami, age eighteen, was Kyousuke's childhood friend who had an unrequited crush on him. Kyousuke's spending so much of his free time with her had made Kirino quite jealous, and she was very cranky whenever Manami was around. When Kirino and Kyousuke went a mock date a few months prior (in order to deter a modeling agent or some such who wanted Kirino to work in Europe – it makes sense in context), the two had encountered Manami, who was obviously very shocked. Of course, Kyousuke had cleared things up with Manami by now, but he was still worried about Manami's reaction to Kirino and vice-versa.

Kyousuke looked up ahead. Sure enough, Manami was at her usual spot, patiently waiting for him. Luckily, she was looking off somewhere else.

"Something wrong?" Kirino asked, noticing that Kyousuke's focus had drifted.

"Manami's over there," he replied, indicating her whereabouts.

Kirino looked over at Manami. "Ah, I see!"

And with that, Kirino did something that Kyousuke never thought he would see her do in a hundred years.

"_Mana-chan!_"

Kirino had stopped using an affectionate nickname for Manami since God knows how long. _Weird_ was an understatement in this case.

Manami perked up and looked over at a beaming Kirino and a caught completely off-guard Kyousuke.

"_Kyo-chan_? Kirino_-chan_?" She was surprised to see Kirino so friendly.

"Morning,_ Mana-chan_! How are you?" Kirino said.

Manami seemed very pleased with Kirino's current demeanor. "I'm fine, thank you. You seem very happy today, Kirino_-chan_," she said as she smiled.

Kirino grinned. "Why not? Being happy makes other people happy, and I figured I should contribute to the worldwide happiness effort."

Manami laughed. "That's very admirable of you,"

Kirino noticed that Kyousuke was still a little shocked at what just happened.

"Hey, _aniki_, don't be rude! Say good morning to _Mana-chan_!"

Kyousuke straightened himself out. "Ah, sorry. Good morning, Manami."

"Good morning,_ Kyo-chan_," Manami replied with a smile.

"Alright, let's go, then!" Kirino shouted enthusiastically.

"Right!" Manami said, giggling.

_O…kay,_ Kyousuke thought, _this is obviously very unusual, but…it's the new Kirino, so... Oh, what the hell._

"Alright, then!" he found himself responding.

Kirino and Manami began to chat happily while Kyousuke looked on, satisfied with the proceedings. Soon Ruri met up with the group.

"Morning, everyone."

"Morning, Ruri."

"Good morning, _Kuroneko-san_."

"Ruri_-chan_! How's my little emo kitty doing this morning?"

_That_ was unexpected, to say the least. Ruri was a bit taken aback.

"K-Kirino?"

"Come on, let's go!"

"O-okay…"

Kirino continued chatting with Manami as Ruri started to talk to Kyousuke.

"Is she alright in the head?" she asked hesitantly.

"I think she's fine," Kyousuke replied. "We're witnessing the 'new' Kirino. It's weird, I know, but you'll get used to it."

"I'm glad that yesterday had a lasting effect…but that was just a bit weird, given how…well, you know."

At some point, the middle school student Kirino split up with her high school friends for the day. "See you guys later, then!" She called out as she walked off.

"Uh…bye, then?" Ruri said, still weirded out.

Manami was giggling in delight.

"What is it?" Kyousuke asked.

"Nothing. It's just that Kirino_-chan_ is acting very cute all of a sudden," she replied. "I haven't been called _Mana-chan_ in years."

"That whole thing didn't weird you out or anything?"

"No. Why, is there something wrong?"

"Eh? No, no. But you're right. My little sister can't be that cute."

* * *

><p>That feeling Kyousuke described earlier about feeling tired no matter how much you slept applied to me very much.<p>

Breakfast did not give me any useful energy. Nor did the brisk morning air rushing past as I biked to school. Nor did the strong and invigorating scent of the local flora. I supposed coffee would have helped, but I hate caffeine. Maybe tea?

"Yo, Lance!"

Multiple rock concerts had still not prepared me for the early morning loudness of Harry's voice.

"Ah, morning," I replied.

Harry approached, Tamara and Millie quickly following behind.

"So, have you formulated a strategy yet?" Tamara asked. She was referring to seeking out Kirino.

"I was just going to see if I could find her when we're out and about after school. That hardly counts as a strategy."

"It's a plan of action, at any rate."

"Come to think of it, this is your first crush, isn't it?" Millie chimed in.

"Not my first _crush_, but the first time I've felt something this strong," I replied. I had been previously attracted to a few girls in my eighth grade class that I never dated, nor thought about entering a serious relationship with. Naturally, I was unprepared as hell for this scenario, a girl that I was actually legitimately interested in.

"What do you need us to do?" Harry asked.

"Huh? Well, I don't intend to leave you guys behind – I just want to sit with her for a few minutes, meet her friends if she's with them, chat it up, say "see you later", then continue business as usual. Come to think of it, why are you guys so interested in this?"

"Because," Harry said, patting me on the back, "you haven't dated in your life. And since you've finally found a girl you're interested in, we want to make sure that you enter a successful relationship, and successfully at that."

"Uh…thanks," I said, "but you don't have to do _too_ much. Beside, don't you guys have romantic interests, too?"

"I have had quite a few relationships in both my middle school and high school tenures," Harry replied. He looked like someone who would say that.

"Similarly," Millie said.

"Didn't I introduce you to Hironobu a little while back?" Tamara said, referring to her upperclassman Japanese boyfriend that was rarely ever around when we were.

"Oh, yeah, Yamato Hironobu, right?" I said, remembering who he was.

* * *

><p>The hours before lunch seemed to drag on forever, as I was too anxious to think about anything but meeting Kousaka Kirino at lunchtime.<p>

"Wang_-san_?"

I was called upon by our teacher in English class, something that I was not expecting. I was usually kept silent because…well, guess.

"_Yes, _sensei_?_"

"_I know you're well-versed in __Shakespeare__. Would you mind telling us a little bit about the differences between modern English and Shakespearian English?_"


	10. I Can't Keep Up This Title Joke!

X. I Can't Keep Up This Title Joke!

"I feel the need to complain some more about that book. Especially since Ruri's here."

"You really didn't like it, huh?" Manami responded to Kyousuke's grumbling. School was out for the day, and Kyousuke, Manami, and Ruri were heading home.

"What book?" Ruri asked.

"This American book we read in English class. _As I Lay Dying_ by William Faulkner."

"'Faulkner'?"

"Yeah, I don't know either. But frankly, I don't want to know any more about that guy, because this book was _awful_. I think it's the first book that's actually made me angry."

"Why's that?"

"The guy must think language is a joke or something, because he tossed everything I knew about English grammar right out the window. Not only that, but nothing made any sense! I know the plot from the back cover of the book, but the actual book didn't seem to follow any sort of linear structure. There are all these cryptic metaphors and idioms that I can't explain. And _this_ is an entire chapter: 'My mother is a fish.' _Five words._ Seriously, what the hell?"

"I actually kind of liked it," Manami said. "I thought that it was interesting, even if it was incomprehensible. And I liked the fact that a different character narrates each chapter. It allows you to see the differences between how his characters think."

"Alright, I will give it that. But could the author at least have had the characters think in a way that's easier to understand? And seriously, 'My mother is a fish'? How the hell does anyone consider this a classic of literature?"

"There are works of art that are considered both incomprehensible and masterpieces at the same time," Ruri said. "Abstract art, you know? It could be like that."

Kyousuke sighed. "I guess you're right. But still, I don't want to read that book again. Nor do I want to read any more of this guy's works."

Manami giggled, and soon both Kyousuke and Ruri found themselves chuckling.

Ruri suddenly felt a buzz in her jacket pocket and heard a short "ding". Kyousuke also felt a vibration coming from his left pants pocket. Both pulled out their respective phones and flipped them open.

"Huh. I got a text from Kirino," Kyousuke remarked.

"So did I," Ruri said. "You think it's the same one?"

The two compared their phones and confirmed that Kirino had indeed sent out the same message to both of them.

_You two go on home together. I'm meeting with people in town so I'll be back later. Don't get too intimate, alright? ~Kirino ;D_

"What's going on?" Manami asked.

"Kirino won't be walking home with us today," Kyousuke replied. "She's meeting with people in town."

"Ah. Well, no problem. I'll see her tomorrow morning anyway, right?"

"Yep. No problem."

The three eventually reached the point where Manami split off.

"Right, I'll see you later," Manami said cheerfully. "Bye-bye, _Kyo-chan_, _Kuroneko-san_."

"Bye, then," Kyousuke said. Ruri nodded in acknowledgement.

"Oh, that's right! I forgot to ask you two something."

"Sure, what's up?" Kyousuke replied.

"You two are dating, aren't you?"

Both Kyousuke and Ruri instantly turned bright red and began stuttering.

Kyousuke: "Uh, well…uh…"

Ruri: "Well, you see, we…"

Kyousuke: "It's…we're, uh…"

Ruri: "It's like…uh…."

"Don't worry about it!" Manami said with her usual cheerfulness. "I just wanted to be sure. But let me say congratulations to the both of you!"

Ruri was still regaining her composure. Kyousuke looked slightly dejected.

"Sorry, Manami. We should have told you earlier."

"It's fine, _Kyo-chan_! I understand why you wouldn't want to tell anyone just yet."

"You're okay with it?"

"Of course, _Kyo-chan_! I'm behind you all the way. And if you two need anything at all, don't hesitate to call on me. Alright?"

Kyousuke and Ruri tried to settle down. They smiled at Manami.

"Thank you so much, Manami_-senpai_," Ruri said. "That means a lot to me. Really."

"Likewise," Kyousuke added. "Thank you, Manami."

Manami smiled. "Right. Later, then!" she chirped as she bounded on towards her house.

Five or six seconds passed in silence.

"That was…awkward," Ruri finally said.

"I really hope she'll be alright," Kyousuke said. "I feel kind of stupid, somehow." Another pause. "Um, shall we go?"

"…yeah, sure. …Kyousuke?"

"Hm? What is it?"

"…I have something I need to say to you when we get to your house."

* * *

><p>My mother is a fish.<p> 


	11. I Can't Answer This Many Questions!

XI. I Can't Answer This Many Questions!

After school let out for the day, the Expatriates headed out into downtown Chiba for the daily after-school hangout session. More importantly to my cohorts, however, we were on a search for Kousaka Kirino and company.

We passed a few groups of middle school and high school students going to their respective hangout sessions – in Japan, apparently no one heads directly home after school – before we spotted our Japanese friend Sanada Jirou, a middle school student who we'd regularly seen around town.

"Yo, Jirou_-kun_!" Harry shouted. Jirou took notice and jogged over to us.

"Hey, guys," Jirou said in perfect English. "What's going on?" Jirou had previously lived in America for several years and was thus well versed.

"We're sort of having a regular get-together session today," Harry responded, "but there's a bit of an ulterior motive."

"Such as?" Jirou asked.

"We're trying to find this one girl that Lance is attracted to."

Jirou chuckled. "That's my man, Lance! Good for you."

"Thanks, I guess," I responded quietly.

"Come to think of it," Tamara chimed in, "she's a middle school student, or so I heard. You might know her personally, Jirou."

"I might. Did you catch her name?"

"Kousaka Kirino. I'm sure you know who she is, at any rate."

Jirou laughed. "Hoo boy, Lance, have you got your work cut out for you."

I sighed. "I know, I know."

"Well, I don't think it'll be as hard for you as it is for the rest of the Japanese populace," Jirou said, slightly reassuringly. "The high-class girls tend to fancy foreigners over people their own ethnicity. You're 'exotic' enough that you have a greater chance."

"I'd prefer not be called 'exotic', but thanks for the reassurance."

"So, do you know Kousaka Kirino personally?" Millie asked Jirou.

"No, I don't. Those kinds of girls tend to have very selective social cliques. But, I do know a lot about her and her friends, since they love the limelight. They practically announce everything about themselves to the school. That, and their profiles were put in a magazine that I skimmed through once. I could probably get you those, if you want."

"No, thanks," I replied. "I feel like I'll run the risk of looking like a stalker even if I know about the slightest of personal details before I ask her."

"Good call. Anyway, if you want to find her in downtown Chiba, I can help. She and her friends generally hang around at that café – what was it? The 'Shochiku'?"

"I know the place."

"We should head there and hold out until they show up – it generally doesn't take them too long to get there."

* * *

><p>The Shochiku was a relatively new establishment that proved to be very popular with the younger crowd due to its student discounts and high-quality refreshments. I had been there maybe once or twice, but the Expatriates and I generally stuck to a Chinese restaurant a few blocks down. I had a feeling, however, that we'd be coming here more often after today's encounter.<p>

The café was rather packed, but we nonetheless managed to find a table that could hold all five of us together. Some of the menu options looked rather delicious, so I decided to get a light snack in addition to my drink.

A few minutes of vapid conversation followed before I noticed an orange-haired figure enter the building.

Kousaka Kirino, followed by what I assumed were two of her friends, found a table across the room and sat down, chatting happily.

"The eagle has landed," Jirou said. "What's your plan of action?"

"It wasn't much of a plan to begin with," I replied, "but I was just going to walk over, say hi to them, talk briefly if given the opportunity, then go back to whatever I was doing and leave them be until next time."

"You should wait a minute or so before getting up. I'll keep watch, see if anything's happening."

I felt as though that last part was probably unnecessary, but I acknowledged him and turned back to my table, starting a completely unrelated discussion in order to keep up appearances. Jirou was constantly glancing back and forth between the girls and us. About a minute passed, and the entire table shifted focus to our lookout.

"Alright, so do I make my move now?" I asked.

"Don't, she's already heading this way!" Jirou replied anxiously. "Quick, pretend to mind your own business!"

"Defensive Maneuver Alpha!" Harry said. "So, lovely weather we're having today!"

"Yes, yes it is," Tamara said, fumbling with her words a little bit. "The sun is an excellent source of Vitamin D after all."

"_That's_ Defensive Maneuver Alpha?" I said, confused. "I thought that was Beta!"

"Beta is 'And that's why I believe the DNA evidence has been tampered with.'"

"_Excuse me! __Lance_-san_?_"

While we had been trying to assume Defensive Maneuver Alpha (Beta?), Kousaka Kirino had walked over to our table, apparently looking for me, throwing a bit of a monkey wrench into our plan (what little there was of one).

I turned to greet her. "_Ah, Kousaka Kirino_-san_._ _Hi there._"

"Hi_,__Lance_-san_, how are you?_" She spoke cheerily and energetically.

"_I'm fine, thanks. What brings you over here?_"

"_I was wondering if you wanted to talk for a bit. My friends love American things and they want to meet you, so I figured I'd introduce you._"

My heart was racing. "_Sure, that'd be great_."

Kirino then noticed the other Expatriates. "_Oh, I'm sorry! If I'm interrupting anything-_"

"_No problem at all,_" Harry said.

"_We weren't doing anything,_" Tamara added.

"Go on, Lance," Harry said to me.

"_Uh…right,_" I replied.

"_Alright! Come with me, __Lance_-san_!_" Kirino said. "_I'm sure my friends will like you._"

I got up out of my seat and followed her back to her table. Glancing back at the Expatriates, I saw Harry, Tamara, Millie, and Jirou giving me a covert thumbs-up.

"_Ayase_-chan_! _Kana-chan_! This is__ Lance_-san_, the American I met yesterday,_" Kirino said as we reached the table, addressing her friends.

"_Hi, I'm __Lance Wang__,_"I said, bowing slightly. "_Nice to meet you__._"

"_It's a pleasure,_" one of the girls responded."_My name is Aragaki Ayase._" Ayase almost looked like a copy of Kirino – even down to having improbably blue eyes – but with dark blue hair and a gentler tone of voice.

"_Kurusu Kanako,_" the other friend responded. "_Nice to meetcha._" She was a shorter girl with dark red hair done up in twin tails, yellow eyes, and a hint of pride in her voice.

"_Come sit down!_" Kirino beckoned me cheerfully. I did thus, and she sat beside me.

"_So,_ _Lance_-san_, where in America are you from, exactly?_" Kirino asked.

"_I'm from Hawai'i,_" I replied, "_Honolulu, to be exact._"

"_That sounds lovely,_" Ayase said. "_I've always wanted to go to such a beautiful place._ _What made you come to Japan?_"

"_My father works for a Japanese bank, and when I was in ninth grade he got a job transfer, so we ended up moving,_" I said.

"_Was it difficult leaving Honolulu?_" Kirino asked.

"_A bit. Since I'd lived there most of my life, I was quite attached. But the upside was moving to Japan, and Tokyo's on my list of best cities in the world._"

"_Had you been to Japan before?_"

"_Once, back when I was in seventh grade. I remember loving it then._"

"_So, since you're from Hawai'i, can you play the ukulele?_" Kanako asked jokingly.

I laughed. "_Well, I can, but not _everyone_ in Hawai'i knows how to play the ukulele. That's kind of like saying everyone in Japan knows how to play the shamisen._"

"_Can you play anything else?_" Kanako continued, now interested.

"_Well, I've been playing piano since age five, but I don't get to play a lot anymore because my house doesn't have enough space for a piano. I sing, too, if that counts._"

"_Any connections to the music business?_"

I laughed again. "_Not at all, no._" Kanako pouted, disappointed.

"Kana-chan_ wants to be an idol, so she's always looking for someone who has connections to the music industry,_" Kirino explained.

"_I see,_" I replied. "_Well, I'm sure you don't really _need_ any connections. Just sing as much as you can and you'll be recognized. Besides, there's always YouTube._"

"_What kinds of music do you listen to?_" Kirino asked.

"_Really, I listen to anything. I guess I listen to rock and classical more than other genres, but I love listening to all music EXCEPT contemporary American pop. That stuff is so bad that it almost doesn't qualify as music. I don't want to go on a tangent, so I'll just leave it at that._"

"_Just American pop?_"

"_Just _contemporary_ American pop. And even then there are certain artists I like. But everything else is pretty much fair game._"

"_What other hobbies do you have?_" Ayase asked.

"_I like movies a lot. I spend a lot of my time watching movies, and I make short films occasionally._"

"_Really? I'd like to see some of them, then._"

"_I put some of them up on __YouTube__, but they're in English._"

"_What are your favorite movies?_" Kirino asked.

"_Oh, boy. There's a lot of them, but I'd have to say__…_ The Good, the Bad and the Ugly_ and_ 2001: A Space Odyssey_ are at the top._" I deliberately left out _Sucker Punch_, _Gojira_, and _Daikaiju Battle: Ultra Galaxy Legend The Movie_ for fear of alienating my audience. "_Other than movies, though, I also like reading, writing and drawing. Theatre, too. I love __Shakespeare__._"

"_Shakespeare__? What's that?_" Kanako asked.

Oh, right. Japan.

"_He's an English playwright from back in the 1500s and 1600s. He's the most famous playwright in the English language._"

"_I'm not a theatre person, so I guess I wouldn't know,_" she responded.

"_Are you a member of the drama club?_" Ayase asked.

"_Yes, as a matter of fact. We don't read a lot of __Shakespeare__ there, but it's still a lot of fun. Besides, I know a lot of people who don't like __Shakespeare__, so I suppose it's good for them._"

I then realized that I hadn't asked a single question this whole time. "_Oh, I'm so sorry, but it seems I'm unfairly monopolizing this conversation._"

"_Don't worry about it!_" Kirino assured me. "_It's very interesting to us._"

"_But, seriously, what about you guys? What do you like to do?_"

"_I run track,_" Kirino replied. "_Aside from that, there's a lot of girly stuff that you probably wouldn't care to hear about._"

"_Oh, no, it's fine,_" I assured her. She smiled.

"_Of course, you also know that _Kana-chan_ likes to sing, and Ayase_-chan_ is on the swim team. And we're all bound together by that girly stuff I mentioned._"

"_Ah, I see._" And then I remembered: "_Oh, right! Someone told me that you guys are also fashion models – is that true?_"

"_That's right!_" Kirino beamed. "_We've all been modeling since middle school, and we've more or less made a career out of it._"

"_Wow. So I take it that you're pretty famous, then._"

Kirino laughed. "_Well, kind of. We do a lot of magazine jobs, and sometimes we get requests for TV commercials._"

"_TV? Wow, that's something! I'm sorry, had I known I was talking to someone so well-known, I would be speaking a little more formally._"

She laughed again. "_Please, we're all just students here, after all. No need to be formal._" She then noticed the time on her wristwatch, a pink, plastic thing probably made by Sanrio or some company of that ilk. "_Ah, I'm sorry, I should probably get you back to your friends._"

"_Ah, that's alright. But thank you anyway._" I turned to Ayase and Kanako. "_It was nice to meet you, Aragaki_-san_, Kurusu_-san_._"

"_Nice to meet you, too, _Lance-san_. You can just call me Ayase,_" Ayase said.

"_Good to meet you. Likewise, Kanako is fine,_" Kanako said.

"_Right. Good to see you again, too, Kousaka_-san_._"

"_Oh, I'll walk you back. And just call me Kirino. After all, I'm already using your first name!_" Kirino giggled.

"_Heh, that's true. Well, Ayase_-san_, Kanako_-san_, I'll see you later then._" I got up out of my seat. "Sayonara_._"

"Sayonara_, __Lance_-san_,_" Ayase replied. "_Later,_" Kanako added.

I turned to Kirino. "_Alright, let's go then, Kirino_-san_._" We started walking back to the Expatriates' table. "_Would you like me to introduce you to my friends some other time?_"

"_Sure, that sounds fun,_" she replied. "_By the way, _Lance-san_…_"

"_Yes?_"

Kirino suddenly stopped and looked over her shoulder at Ayase and Kanako, as if she was worried about them seeing something. Noticing that they were looking off somewhere else, she turned back to me and whispered.

"_That bag from yesterday…was that __Estelle__ from _PredPrey_ in the box?_"

I had avoided mentioning anything otaku-related during the conversation, fearing that the high-class girls would look down on me for it, but it seems that Kirino knew her stuff. Score!

"_...yeah, it was, but…how'd you know?_"

Kirino continued to whisper, a smile on her face. "_Don't worry, I'm an otaku, too. But, don't tell anyone, okay? Ayase_-chan_ knows about it, but _Kana-chan_ doesn't. Nor does anyone else except my otaku friends. Can you keep a secret?_"

I smiled in relief. "_Of course. I won't tell._"

"_Looks like we have a lot more to talk about, then,_" she giggled.


	12. That Figures, Part 4

XII. That Figures, Part 4

_Back to holding the figure up._

"Like I've said in previous episodes, I find it hard to not recommend a _figpla_ release, even if you're not familiar with the series it comes from. All in all, with the combination of sculpt, paint, articulation, and accessories, Yuuko is yet another awesome figure, and if you've got the spare cash, try to pick her up, even if you're not the biggest fan of _Murder Diary_. Especially after pics surfaced online from that 'lewd' scene from volume seven. And I'll just leave it at that. You guys probably know what I'm talking about."

_Put figure down. Wrap up._

"Anyway, this is Lance Wang in Japan, with another episode of _That Figures_ in the can. Take care, everyone, and watch your back! You never know when someone's going to try to knife you in the kidneys. It's happened to me more often than I would have liked."

_Turn off camera. End title sequence._


	13. My Girlfriend Can't Be This Cute!

XIII. My Girlfriend Can't Be This Cute!

Kyousuke and Ruri arrived at the Kousaka household. Both parents were out until dinner, and Kirino would be back whenever, so the two had some time on their hands.

"Want something to drink?" Kyousuke offered as they entered the living room.

"No, thanks," Ruri replied. The two both sat down on the couch.

"So, what was it you wanted to tell me?" Kyousuke asked.

Ruri sighed heavily and stayed silent for a moment. "Kyousuke, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this earlier, but…I'm moving away from Chiba."

"What?"

"My dad got relocated to outside the prefecture," she continued, nervously glancing sideways. "We'll still be near Tokyo, but I can't meet with you everyday at school, or at your house. I may be able to see you only once a week or so on average. I've known about this since before summer break, and I wanted to let you know, but…I was afraid about what your reaction would be." At this point, she was blushing profusely. "Kyousuke, I'm sorry. I didn't want you to be upset. I'm sorry!"

She grabbed tightly onto the hem of her skirt and hung her head.

Kyousuke shuffled over and hugged Ruri gently. "Don't worry about it, Ruri. I'm just glad that you told me after all. Even if you're moving, my feelings aren't going to change. We just need to start coordinating things a little more, is all."

Ruri snuggled up against her giant teddy bear of a boyfriend and smiled. "You still love me?" she cooed softly.

"I still love you, Ruri," Kyousuke replied, also smiling.

Ruri lifted her head up and gave Kyousuke a long kiss.

* * *

><p>Kirino came home to find Kyousuke and Ruri lying in a somewhat suggestive position on the living room couch, kissing passionately.<p>

"Hey, you two!" she shouted at them.

The two lovebirds ceased their activity and turned to Kirino. Their eyes widened and their faces turned red. (You know what, new drinking game: Drink every time someone blushes. Use Calpis or Orangina or something else other than alcohol – I don't want anyone dying.)

"I told you guys not to go at it today. Or, at the very least, if you were going to ignore me, get a room!"

Kyousuke and Ruri sat upright and straightened themselves out.

Kirino wore a frown for a second, but then broke out into laughter. "Nice to know that everything's going well, at any rate."

"Kirino, there's something I need to tell you," Ruri said with a serious tone. She proceeded to detail what she had previously explained to Kyousuke. Kirino was naturally disappointed.

"Ah…but we'll still be able to see each other. Just not as often?"

"Yeah. That's how it is. Sorry, Kirino."

"No, it's fine. I'm just glad that you told me after all. I'll tell you what – let's call up Saori and Sena and hang out tomorrow."


	14. My Crush Can't Be a XXX!

XIV. My Crush Can't Be a XXX!

"Alright, so just to be clear. Alpha: 'Lovely weather we're having today, isn't it?' Beta: 'And that's why I believe the DNA evidence has been tampered with.' Gamma: 'Which is why I say, never broil a baby.' Delta: 'Rhubarb, rhubarb, peas and carrots, peas and carrots.' Were there any more?"

"Epsilon is in the works. So far it's 'And that's how I almost died the fifteenth time,' but I may think of something better later."

At lunch the next day, Harry cleared things up for the rest of us who were having trouble with our different Defensive Maneuver codenames.

"Change of pace: Are we all going to try to find Kousaka Kirino again today, same Bat time, same Bat channel? This time you introduce us?" Millie suggested.

"Don't you think it's too soon? Besides, we can't expect them to show up at the same place and at the same time," I replied.

"Doesn't hurt to try," Tamara said, "although…you may be right about it possibly being too soon."

A strong buzzing sensation came from my pocket.

"Oh, sorry guys. Let me check who this is."

I pulled out my phone and checked the caller ID. An unknown number, but with a Chiba area code.

"Huh. A Japanese call." I picked up. "_Hello?_"

"Hello, Lance_-san_?"

OH MAI GOD-DOH

"_Kousaka Kirino_-san_?_"

A slight giggle came from the other end. "How are you?"

"_Uh, fine, thanks! How'd you get my number?_"

"Sanada Jirou_-san_ gave it to me. He also gave me everyone else's numbers, but I figured I'd call you first."

_SANKYU JIROU_

"_Uh, cool. So, what's going on?_"

"Nothing much. I'm having lunch with Ayase_-chan_ and _Kana_-_chan_, but I stepped out for a bit to make this call."

"_Why's that?_"

"Are you free after school today?"

My heart skipped another beat.

"…_yes, why?_"

"I'd like you to meet some of my otaku friends. We're all going out into town this afternoon."

"_Oh, yeah, sounds awesome._" I took notice of Harry, Tamara, and Millie, who were listening intently, with bated breath. "_Would you like to me bring the other _Expatriates_ along as well?_"

"…you haven't told them, have you?" she said with a slightly meek tone, referring to her secret otaku status.

For fear of my friends catching onto something, I responded with a simple "_No._"

"You can bring them with you, but please be discreet, okay? I want to know that I can trust them like I trust you."

"_I'll make sure that everything is kept under control. Don't worry about it._"

"Oh, good. That's a relief. Anyway, we'll be meeting at 4:00 at Jumbo Peking, the Chinese restaurant."

Awesome. Kirino and Chinese food together in one sitting.

"_Jumbo Peking? I love that place._"

"That's great! See you guys there, then!"

"_Awesome. Goodbye!_"

"Bye-bye, Lance_-san_!"

After hanging up, I spread my arms out to my tablemates, who were on the edge of their seats, eyes wide and mouths open in excitement.

"My friends, we shall be meeting with Kousaka Kirino and company after school."

Applause and various cheers followed.

"We won't be seeing the same people she was with yesterday, though."

"Why's that?" Harry inquired.

"Guys, there's something important that I need to tell you about beforehand, something that you need to be discreet as possible about. As in, don't tell anyone unless you're one hundred percent sure that they can keep it under wraps. Got it?"

"We got it. Now, what is it?"

"Kousaka Kirino is a closet otaku."

* * *

><p>Kyousuke and Ruri met up with Kirino at 3:30 in a small plaza in downtown Chiba, out in front of Jumbo Peking.<p>

"I hope you guys don't mind, but I invited some other people to come along with us today," Kirino said.

"Who's coming?" Ruri asked.

"I made friends with an American who goes to Chiba Benten. He's an otaku, and I wanted him to meet you. He'll be bringing some of his international friends."

"Are they part of that 'Expatriates Unite' group?" Kyousuke asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact."

"How many?"

"I…actually don't know. I assumed three plus him, but he didn't give me a number."

"I just hope things don't get too expensive."

"I know that Lanc_e-san_ has money. I saw that he bought a 6000 yen figure of Estelle from _PredPrey_."

6250 yen plus tax, but I digress.

"Lance_-san_? The American you met? …wait, you're on a first name basis?"

Kirino frowned. "That's how Americans do it, don't you know? Anyway, I thought it would do you some good to get some more exposure to foreigners. After all, I end up meeting a lot of them through my job."

"Did you meet these guys the same way?"

Kirino suddenly blushed a little bit. (Drink!) "Well…no. I ran into them outside of that maid café in Akiba."

"The one with the maid who-"

"Yeah, that one."

"By the way, Kirino, what were you doing in Akiba the other day? I thought you had work in Ginza."

Kirino stuttered for a bit. "I- Well, I did have work in Ginza, but it was over pretty quickly, so I went to Akiba to…well, try to avoid you. Sorry." She sighed heavily.

"Hey, don't get down about it. I just wanted to know." Kyousuke placed his hand on his sister's shoulder. "Come on, let's have fun today, alright?" Kirino perked up and nodded with a shy smile.

"Ah, there they are," Ruri pointed out, indicating Saori and Sena's arrival.

"_Ossu_, people! What goes on?" Saori beamed.

"Sorry about this, Saori, but I invited some others to come with us today," Kirino said. "They haven't shown up yet, though."

"No problem at all, _Kiririn-shi_. The more the merrier, that's my philosophy. So, who are these newcomers?"

"They're foreigners. Three Americans and an Australian, I think."

"Is that so? I've been meaning to practice my English a little," Sena chimed in.

"They speak fluent Japanese," Kirino added, "so it shouldn't be a problem." Her eyes suddenly caught something a little ways away. "Ah, there they are!"

* * *

><p>"I haven't actually seen <em>Mars of Destruction<em> yet, so I can't comment," Millie said, as we walked to the plaza where Jumbo Peking was situated in.

"I don't know whether to recommend it or not," I said. "It's really, really bad, but I don't know whether or not it's bad in a good way or in a bad way."

I turned back to the road in front of me and caught a glimpse of something in the distance – an orange-haired girl in a middle school uniform waving over at us. The other Expatriates noticed as well.

"Looks like we're here," Harry said.

"If she wanted to stand out with that hair, it's working," Millie remarked.

We quickly scurried over to the plaza. "Hi, Kirino_-san_! Er, _konnichiwa_."

Kirino giggled slightly. "Konnichiwa_, _Lance_-san__._" She peeked behind me. "Konnichiwa_, __Expatriates__!_" A short string of greetings followed.

"_Here, let me introduce you to the crowd,_" Kirino beckoned us. She brought us over to a fairly tall seventeen- or eighteen-year-old boy with light-toned hair and a somewhat diminutive dark-haired fifteen- or sixteen-year-old girl with light violet eyes and a small mole on her left cheek. Both were dressed in Chiba Benten school uniforms.

"_This is my older brother Kyousuke, and his girlfriend Gokou Ruri._"

"_Lance Wang,_" I said, bowing. "_Pleasure to meet you._ _I believe I've seen you before, Kousaka_-san_. In Akihabara, perhaps?_"

Kyousuke nodded slightly. "_Outside a maid café?_"

"_The one with the maid who-_"

"_Yeah, that one._"

I had the misfortune of running into the same one on the way out of the café.

"_Right. Well, good to meet you._" I turned to Gokou Ruri as the other Expatriates made their way to Kyousuke. "_Good to meet you as well, Gokou_-san_._"

"Likewise, good to meet you, Lance," she replied in near-perfect English.

"Your English is very good," I said, smiling.

I then turned to meet two others, one of whom was a surprisingly tall girl dressed in fairly plain, baggy clothes, with a yellow headband, hair tied back, and eyes concealed by thick glasses. She had an air of friendliness about her that was easy to determine at a first glance.

"_Nice to meet you. Lance Wang._"

"_Nice to meet you, too._ Saori Bajeena_._"

I chuckled slightly. "_Sieg Zeon._" She laughed happily in response.

I then turned to a shorter girl in a Chiba Benten uniform, with short red hair and yellow eyes, and also wearing glasses.

"_Lance Wang, nice to meet you._"

"_Heya.__ Akagi Sena._"

"_Be careful with that one,_" Kyousuke said. "_She's a hardcore _fujoshi_._"

Sena quickly turned flustered. "_W-w-why the hell did you have to say that?_"

"_Hey, if he's a fellow otaku, he has the right to know._" Sena hung her head and sighed.

"_Hey, no worries,_" I said. "_I have quite a few _fujoshi_ friends. Isn't that right, _Millie_?_" I glanced over at my resident Australian _fujoshi_, who perked up.

Sena perked up and smiled with relief. "_That's good to know. Say, you wouldn't happen to be a homo, would you?_"

"_I must confess that I am not,_" I laughed.

"_Figured. I shouldn't get my hopes up too much._" She started to chuckle.

After everyone had been given the runaround, we entered the restaurant.

Jumbo Peking was a frequent destination for the Expatriates during our free time, due to the high quality menu offerings, friendly wait staff, and overall cleanliness. I didn't know whether or not Kirino and the gang had been to the restaurant before, so I figured that I'd offer to help them in deciding on what to order.

"_Irashaimase!_" waitress Mari Lee greeted us.

"_Ni hao ma, _Mari_?_" I replied in Mandarin.

"_A, _Lance_, ni hao ma?_"

"_Wo hen hao, xie xie. Wo men you jiu ge ren._"

"_Hao. Qing gei wo liang fen zhong._" She then left to prepare the table for nine that I requested. I turned to the Japanese members of my party to offer my services. All five were staring at me in awe.

"_Is there something wrong?_" I asked them after a brief pause.

"_You speak Chinese?_" Kirino said, recuperating.

"_My grandparents on my father's side are Chinese. They taught me very well._" Living close to Honolulu's Chinatown didn't hurt, either. Immersion for the win.

"_How many languages do you speak?_" Kyousuke asked incredulously.

"_English, Chinese, and Japanese. I took French in school back in Honolulu, but I really don't speak it very well anymore. Heck, most of my Japanese I learned from watching anime and _tokusatsu_ movies._" Embarrassing as it is, it's true. "_Anyway, what I wanted to ask you guys was if you needed any help with ordering anything. I don't know whether or not you've been here before._"

"_I think we've all been here before,_" Kirino replied, "_but would you mind ordering for us? You seem to be on better terms with the wait staff than we are._"

"_No problem._"

Mari returned to inform us that the table was ready.

* * *

><p>Millie and Sena were both extremely involved in a conversation that probably involved yaoi, but the rest of the floor was open. Kyousuke took the initiative.<p>

"_So, __Lance_-san_ and crew, being otaku, what series or franchises do you like?_"

I chuckled slightly. "_Well, there's a lot. I don't want to say 'everything,' because that's not true, but…there are so many to choose from. I guess I could give you my current top five series, just to start. So that'd be…_Keroro Gunso_, _Evangelion_, _MM!_, _Justeen 8_, and…_Cutey Honey Flash_._"

"Cutey Honey Flash_?_" Kyousuke said, raising an eyebrow.

I shrugged. "_It's cute. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it._"

"_What about_ Meruru?" Kirino piped.

"Meruru_? I love it. It's a great show._"

"_I KNOW, RIGHT?_" Kirino responded, bursting with enthusiasm.

"_I take it you're a fan?_"

"Meruru _is my all-time favorite!_" The glee in both her voice and her facial expressions could probably have powered a small lightbulb. "_It's a godly anime!_"

_Stardust Witch Meruru_ was a highly successful magical girl series following the wake of the _Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha_ craze, and one I personally enjoyed for a number of reasons, including beautiful animation and sheer over-the-top wackiness – this show didn't take itself the slightest bit seriously, and I loved it for that. However, the oft-gratuitous loli fanservice put me off quite a bit, especially considering the show's target demographic of young girls (with a periphery demographic of older men, but I digress) and the fact that I still live with my parents. I would have brought that up during this conversation, but Kirino was way too ecstatic about the series for me to say anything.

"…_so, Harry and Tamara, go. I don't want to monopolize the conversation,_" I said as I motioned to them.

"_Well,_" Harry said, running a hand through his thick, sandy blond hair, "_it's hard for me to choose favorites, too, but I'll go with _Suzumiya Haruhi_ and _Kate/starry Night_._" He motioned for Tamara to respond.

"Suzumiya Haruhi_ and _PredPrey_,_" Tamara said. "Maschera_'s pretty good, too._"

"_Really?_" Ruri said, a gleam in her eye. "Maschera_'s my favorite. I like _PredPrey_, too._"

"_Ah, so you're a 'grimdark' kind of fan?_" Tamara inquired.

"_You could say that,_" Ruri replied. "_I cosplay _GothLoli_, too, so those series have more of a draw to me._" Mari briefly slipped in to get our drink orders, and the conversation continued.

"_So, how about you guys? What series do you like?_" I asked the others.

"_I'm more of a gamer than an anime otaku, but I like both _Meruru_ and _Maschera_ quite a bit,_" Kyouske replied.

"_Oh, cool. What games do you like to play?_" I took a sip of my water.

"_Well, I play a lot of novel games-_"

"_He's an _erogamer_,_" Kirino interrupted, a huge grin on her face. I almost choked.

"_Kirino!_" Kyousuke said angrily. "_Why the hell did you have to say that?_"

Kirino laughed. "_If he's a fellow otaku, he has the right to know!_"

Kyousuke sighed, realizing that he had lost. "_Alright, fine. It's true. I'm an _erogamer_. But, I'm not exactly proud of it._"

I composed myself. _"…well, if it's what you're into, then…hey, it's what you're into._" I cleared my throat and tried to give a reassuring smile. "_Don't worry about it. You shouldn't be ashamed of your interests so long as you're discreet._"

Kyousuke's expression changed to a calm, reassured grin…which then turned into a sly, mischievous grin. "_I actually picked up my passion for _eroge_ from-_"

Kyousuke felt a sharp pinch in his thigh from Kirino. I suspected nothing.

"_-a friend of mine in school who is male and of age,_" he finished weakly.

Saori leaned over to Kirino and whispered into her ear. "_You know,_ Kiririn-shi_, we're all otaku here. Besides, you blurted it out for Kyousuke_-shi_, anyway._"

"_Yeah, but-!_" Kirino began a counterargument, but quickly dropped it and sighed. She composed herself and looked at me with a straight face.

"_Kyousuke actually picked up his _eroge_ habit from me,_" she said.

What.

Kirino seemed dejected for a moment. "_It's true. I'm a huge _eroge_ freak. I can't help it._" A sudden look of determination appeared on her face. "_But, _Lance-san_, you said that I shouldn't be ashamed about my hobbies if I'm discreet about it, right?_"

I had been trying to maintain a neutral expression for the whole time in order to conceal my utter shock. It took a moment for Harry to nudge me into making a reply.

"_Erm, yes, that's right. People should enjoy what they're interested in, so long as they're discreet. I don't think you should be ashamed. That was just…a little surprising, is all._"

UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE WEEK.

"_You really think so? You're not going back on your word?_" Kirino asked me forwardly, anxiety in her voice.

I managed another reassuring smile. "_I'm not going back on my word. I really mean it. Seriously, I was just a little surprised. No worries._"

Kirino threw her arms into the air and shouted "_Yes!_"

"_Um…so, what _eroge_ are you into, then?_" I asked, trying to keep the momentum going.

"_Little sister_eroge_!_" she replied with a beaming grin, no longer needing to hold back. "_I love little sisters with a burning passion!_"

WHAT.

A moment of dead silence followed. I turned to Kyousuke, then to Kirino, then back, then back again.

"…_so, you play _eroge_ about little sisters when-?_"

"_We know,_" Kirino and Kyousuke said in unison.

"…_and you're both okay with-?_"

"_Yes,_" they replied, again in unison.

"_We've had a lot of discussions about this in past,_" Kyousuke added.

…okay, then.

That wasn't as important as the fact that my crush was a hardcore _erogamer_. I knew that I would have to rethink what I said in chapter two in order to get to know Kirino better…which meant learning about _eroge_ in detail.

Oh, no.


End file.
